" She decided to start living the life she had imagined"

I'm a Mama.

3 little words that hold such incredible significance and have forever changed me. Its so overwhelmingly surreal.

Little man was due to arrive August 1st, but didn't show up until August 11th. So at 41 weeks 3 days, he finally made his appearance. Labor was harder than I had ever imagined. It was discovered during my labor that Jackson was in the posterior position. He was head down, but face up. Making labor a hard and slow process since he was hitting my pelvic bone instead of slipping down under it. Thankfully, I had an amazing support team with me.  My doctor worked hard with us to help get him born safely (with NO c-section, thank God!) Josh was quite literally my pillar of strength when I just didn't think I could go on. Betty, my mother in law, brought such love and security to me when all I could do was cry from exhaustion. And Michelle, our doula, brought support and techniques to help me through the contractions and back labor that I would have been lost without. She empowered both Josh and Betty to help me in ways I hadn't anticipated needing. It was this team that helped keep me going as I worked hard to meet my son.

Sunday, August 11th at 1:54pm, after 43 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing, Jackson Steven Grace was born. Weighing 10 lbs even, and 22 1/2 inches long and completely capturing my heart. With one last push, he was suddenly here and time stood still. I was crying, Josh was crying, and Betty was crying. It was the most magical moment of my entire life. I've never before felt so strong, so feminine, so close to my husband, or so in awe of God's design. It was the most intense experience I've ever had and equally the most amazing. I'm so incredibly thankful to have had the chance to experience it and to hold a happy, healthy baby boy in my arms. I look down at him and see parts of both Josh and I and I fall in love with my husband all over again. We created a little life together and now we get the opportunity to watch him grow. Words don't do justice how amazing that is.

I saw the quote "she decided to start living the life she had imagined" some time ago and it stuck with me. I believe that God puts desires on your heart for a reason and equips you with the ability to chase after those dreams. That is how Josh and I strive to live our life. To be always enjoying today as we move towards our goals. To not wait for things to simply happen, but to live each day finding the joy in it. Its hard work and keeps our days full, but the reward is rich. We are content. We are happy. We are living the life we had imagined.

Almost there

This week I'm 38 weeks pregnant! I can't believe how fast the past 9 months have gone. As rough as some moments have been, the pregnancy really has flown by so fast and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience it. Growing a little life has been harder than I had imagined, but at the same time so wonderfully amazing. Every time I see Jackson shake my belly or feel a quick kick or slow roll, it never fails to make me smile. Its so amazing how intricate the whole process is and how God designed my body to know exactly what to do.  It really is amazing.

I've got 2 weeks left until my due date, but we've reached the milestone of being "full term." Meaning Jackson could decide to come at any point now and be safe and healthy.  My doctor has told me its just a waiting game at this point. He could come tomorrow, or wait until 41 weeks.  We'll just wait and see.  Both Josh and I are ready to finally meet this little boy we've been falling in love with these past 9 months.

Aside from extreme morning sickness that I've dealt with the entire pregnancy (even still), I've been incredibly blessed that we haven't encountered a single complication throughout these 9 months.  Both Jackson and I have been super healthy and I'm so thankful for that.  Somehow, despite not keeping much food down, my body has still managed to gain a healthy weight. I've gained 17 lbs total so far and my blood pressure has been amazing the whole time.  The pregnancy cravings that I've encountered over the past few months have been : Celery, apples, pickles (this was a big one- ate like a jar a week), grapefruit, and orange juice.  Not sure if water really counts as a "craving" but I can never seem to have enough water near me, lol.  Which even shows in the food that I have craved- with throwing up so much I've battled dehydration a couple times. And so it even showed in the foods that my body wanted- celery is mostly water, pickles balance out your electrolytes, grapefruit has high water content and folic acid. So its been interesting to see my body crave exactly what it needed to keep both me and Jackson healthy.  Josh and I were both pretty healthy eaters prior to pregnancy, but since getting pregnant- that upped even higher for me. My body just didn't want a whole lot of junk.  So its been super easy to primarily stick to foods that were healthy for me.  

We're almost done with the nursery decorations. It's taken us while to have time to paint the walls since we had to wait for Josh to get a break with grad classes.  But its coming along so well. We're doing a Dr. Seuss theme and I love it.  I know its silly since babies don't care about decorations and Jackson won't even sleep in his own room until about 4 months old, but it sure is fun for the parents to set up the nursery.  Just walking in the room makes me smile. Its adorable. 

As strange as it may sound, as of right now, neither myself or Josh have any nervousness or anxiety about the upcoming birth. I mostly just feel ready.  We've done a lot to prepare while still having a flexible mindset.  We're both definitely planners and pretty hands on when it comes to our medical care, but at the end of the day- birth is unpredictable. Never know exactly how it'll go until you're there. So we both have a solid understanding of the options available and what might happen in a true emergency situation.  But mostly, we both just feel ready. Josh is crazy excited about every part of pregnancy and birth. He is impressed with  how dramatically a women's body changes so quickly to care for a little life and he is ecstatic about getting to hold Jackson soon.  I'm very ready for Jackson to be in my arms soon, as well as have morning sickness finally be over.  And be able to breathe again, lol. Right now, Jackson is taking up a good deal of space which makes its near impossible to take a full breath at once.  But I'm pretty sure the fact that labor will mean the end of morning sickness is going to be huge motivation for me during the moments I'm exhausted.  So now we just wait and see what day this little man picks to be his birthday. :-)  

Love, Mama

My little Jackson,  

You've been growing like crazy over the past month. With each passing day, I feel you move around with more strength. Your kicks and flips shake my belly quite visibly and often even wake me from sleeping.  It never fails to bring a smile to my face and a spirit of thankfulness to my heart as with each flip and kick, I'm reassured you're doing great and growing just as you should.  We've got just 9 more weeks to go, and your Daddy is just beside himself with excitement to meet you.  You're so special to him already, my sweet boy.  He can't wait to find out what types of things you'll like to do and the interests you'll have.  We know already that you certainly like your sleep.  Any time we've had an ultrasound to see how you're growing, its taken quite a bit of effort to wake you up.  You sleep on your stomach with your little feet tucked under and refuse to budge until you're ready.  I've been awed each time we've gotten to see you. You're the answer to long awaited prayer.  

As your birth has started to draw nearer and nearer, I've been thinking about the type of things I want to teach you.  The types of character traits that I hope you develop as you grow into the man God wants you to be.  I hope to teach you to be loving to others, to speak up in unjust situations, and to walk confidently into your dreams.  But the biggest lesson I hope to teach you, was placed on my heart a couple weeks ago.  We went to visit your Grandpa and Nana in Marianna.  During that visit, while we were at church, the song "It is well with my soul" played.  I've heard that song tons of times before, but this time the words stood out to me more than they had before.  

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul"

This simple chorus is what I hope to teach you not only by my words, but in my daily choices as a living example to you.  Life gets complicated.  Its not always easy. Sometimes, bad things just happen. People can be cruel at times. But regardless of whatever situations or circumstances life brings your way, my greatest wish for you is that you'll be able to stand up and say "it is well, it is well with my soul"  to be able to rest and trust in the peace of knowing that God is sovereign and you are never alone.  Life brings constantly changing seasons. Some are filled with overwhelming joy, others hold periods of sorrow. Both hold memories and lessons you'll need.  Never let your situation define you, its only temporary. I hope you're able to find yourself grounded steadfast on faith and trust in God.  Your Daddy and I will always be there in the background, loving you and supporting you in all you do. I can't wait to see the things you'll accomplish or the places you'll go.  

I love you to the moon and back Jackson,

Mama

90 days to go!

     Wow, we've entered the double digits in the countdown to meeting our little boy! It feels so weird saying that I'm 7 months pregnant! Time seems to be flying by and with each passing day, the love I feel for this little life growing inside me gets stronger and the anticipation of holding him gets higher.   Josh is just about beside himself in wanting to hold Jackson, lol. He tells me that its not fair that I'm hogging up all the baby time right now, lol.  My response to him is typically "Believe me...I wish you could take a turn!" lol.

     While our excitement and thankfulness has remained high about the fact that I'm blessed to have the opportunity of being pregnant...pregnancy is nothing like I had anticipated.  Its been much more difficult than I ever had imagined.  During the 1st trimester, I spent 8 weeks unable to leave the house as I was sick with morning sickness 7-8 times a day, EVERYDAY. Until reaching a peak at 10 weeks pregnant in which I threw up 15 times, resulting in getting dehydrated. It was a very rough time.  However, at 12 1/2 weeks, the sickness tapered down to me throwing up every two weeks for two days at a time.  It was like clock work. So while I was still sick, I was able to function again and feel like a person.  That pattern continued until 20 weeks pregnant, when it changed from every two weeks, to me throwing up 1 day every single week.  This continued to 26 weeks pregnant, in which I caught a flu stomach bug (as if I hadn't been throwing up enough right?) Between throwing up and having a fever, I was a mess.  My doctor had called in a prescription for me to help stop the throwing up, but I still wasn't able to replace the fluids I had lost already.  So Josh took me to the hospital and they kept me overnight to monitor contractions since I was so dehydrated.  They hooked me up to a heart monitor to monitor Jackson and this ended up being a very nice distraction from how bad I was feeling.  Because Jackson began playing with the monitor.  It was hooked up on the outside of my stomach, but he began kicking and bouncing off of it. It was so funny to be able to feel him kick it, hear it through the monitor and then see it as the doppler bounced up and down every time he kicked it.  He did it for over an hour before I felt him settle and fall sleep.  He tends to sleep in the same position often. I know this from previous ultrasounds and he was always sleeping on his face with his little feet tucked under.  and also when he settles to sleep, he tends to curl up in a way that makes me a bit short of breath, lol.  I'm definately able to breathe easier when he is moving around. I love being able to see his little personality already as he has started to react to loud nosies (particularly our coon hound Lucy, lol) and started pushing back when Josh gently pushes my stomach. Without fail, I smile every time I feel him move. :-)

     After spending the night in the hospital, I was released to go home with instructions for rest and lots and lots of fluids until the virus ran its course.  My doctor told me I might get a few contractions, but that she wouldn't be worried unless I had too many close together.  Thankfully, I only ended up getting 2 contractions  (ow!) and that was it. So 6 days and 6 lbs lighter, I finally kicked the virus and felt better.  YAY!  Now that I'm in the last week of my 2nd trimester, I have no idea what the 3rd trimester is going to bring. I'm hoping its  a break from morning sickness, but based on how the past two trimesters have been...I doubt its likely.  But we'll see.

     Despite me having a difficult time being pregnant, I'm incredibly thrilled and grateful that Jackson has done wonderfully so far.  He's growing right on track and we haven't had any scares or reasons to worry about his health. My doctor has been very happy with my overall health and I've had no major complications as of yet.  So we have a lot to be thankful for. :-)

     After researching it, we decided that I'm not going to be using an epidural as a way of coping during the labor and delivery process.  I just couldn't feel comfortable with it even after taking a class at the hospital about it.  So I talked to Josh and we decided to investigate what other options I had in the form of pain management and laboring through a more natural process.  I believe that God designed my body with the ability to give birth, but I'm a big believer that preparation paired with instincts bring the best results, so I definitely wanted to do my best to be prepared.  After researching, we decided that we wanted to hire a doula to go to the hospital with us to help be a support during the labor and delivery process. From what we read, births that have the support of a doula tend to progress quicker, have less stress induced reactions, less interventions, and easier transitions learning/adjusting to breastfeeding. Which are all goals of mine.  Both Josh and I try to do least intervention possible when it comes to medicine (we seek out medical care, but we try to live a healthy lifestyle and make adjustments first instead of just popping a pill).  So since this is the 1st time that we're going down this road, we thought having the extra support of a doula would be a great idea.  So I found a lady that has been working as a doula for the past 5 years and even has 4 children of her own.  So she's pretty experienced in this area. We've set up to interview her in a week and I'm pretty excited about it.  I know that labor and delivery are not going to be easy for me to go through, and so I figure there can't be too many encouraging people around when I'm reaching a point of exhaustion.  Josh is excited to meet her as well since its just one more step closer to meeting our little boy.  :-)

Just 90 more days to go! :-)

this was me 3 weeks ago at 24 weeks pregnant.  

Its a.........BOY!!!

March 12th, Josh and I went to my doctor to find out the gender of our baby.  We invited my grandmother to come to the ultrasound with us. So she made the drive from Kissimmee to meet us at the doctor's office.  Seeing the baby up on the screen and hearing the heartbeat is always breath taking for me.  But this visit particularly overwhelmed me in a whole new way as we learned what our little bouncing baby was. :-)

We're going to have a little boy! His name is Jackson Steven Grace and we're both absolutely thrilled.  Its still so surreal that I'm about to be a Mama in just 4 months, and finding out we have a son has been the most exciting moment I've ever experienced.

Here is the Gender Reveal Video that we made to break the news to Josh's family.  :-) Still makes me cry every time I watch it. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip6Y2iQqMRo&feature=youtube_gdata

A soon-to-be Father's thoughts

I always thought the most significant words in my life would start with, "Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to join this man and this woman. . ." While that was a close estimate, I have found one moment to top it. When Ashley and I went in for our first ultrasound, I had no idea what to expect. I knew it would be a significant moment, but I had no idea how much of an impact it would have on me. Seeing the child for the first time was amazing. Little Grace Grace suddenly had a face, hands, fingers, toes, and spine. It was amazing! Then the heart beat. . . oh the heartbeat! No words can explain that feeling. Much like that moment when I saw my wife walking down the isle in her wedding gown, the intensity of this feeling seeing our first child was indeed leaving me speechless. In fact, I am even sitting here tearing up about it now! Powerful!
Marriage has been the absolute best adjustment in my life to this point. Learning to be an excellent and caring husband who provides for Ashley physically, emotionally, and spiritually required way more than I thought. It has stretched me in ways I never thought, and made me more into a man that I ever thought. Now, however, I find myself standing in the middle of yet another transition. A significant one. This is my moment to step up to be a father! Our little Grace Grace will not just have a face, hands, fingers, toes, and a spine; Grace Grace will have a name (just 12 days until we find out!). My heart is so full of emotion, and my mind is so full of questions. What kind of father will I be? How will I learn to take care of a baby?
In these months of preparation, I am finding myself reflecting on these types of questions in preparation of Grace Grace's arrival. My wife has taken care of several newborns over the years while she was a nanny in high school and college, so is pretty familiar with what goes into caring for an infant. While I held a baby for the 1st time 2 years ago when our awesome little nephew was born. So we've had conversations about what to do when the baby is sick, a location in the kitchen of a "Do not eat" foods list for when our little Grace-Grace eventually eats real foods, and how we are going to prepare the house for the triumphant entry (My wife is fantastic organizing this stuff)! Much like our house preparations, I am also preparing my mind and heart (as much as one can before having a child). I find myself reflecting on my childhood and the good examples set by my mom and dad in how they raised me.
My heart and life is so full of joy, and I can't wait to see what happens after our baby has arrived!
-Josh

playing catch up and growing a baby bump :-)

     Whew! The past few weeks since morning sickness  (FINALLY) let up, I've been playing a crazy game of "catch up." Unfortunately, during the 9 weeks that I was out of commission, real life did not pause. So I've had tons to do, events to schedule, and people to catch up with.  But thankfully the magic of the 2nd trimester has blessed me with more energy lately, making all these tasks much easier to accomplish.  :-)

     About a month before we found out we were pregnant, Josh was approached from a professor of his,
with an opportunity to come on staff as pastor of a church here in Lakeland.  After getting to know the heart of the church and the focus the people have towards missions and meeting needs in the community, we were both super excited and thankful to get the chance to come along side them.  Josh has continued working at SEU and taking his grad classes, so with the addition of the church responsibilities, his plate became much more full.  But after sitting down and mapping out a plan for his week to week, over the past few months everything has meshed really well together.  Coping with morning sickness so soon after becoming apart of Genesis Church, left me a bit disappointed as I had to miss out on events and even attending services the first couple of months. But now that I'm feeling better and am out and about again, I've been excited to get the chance to connect with the people there and begin to get involved.  We're planning on starting a couple's ministry in March that I'm thrilled about and can't wait to get more things started over the next few months.  Its going to be a great year.  :-)

    Over the weekend, Josh and I finally got to have our Valentines Day date. The plan had been to go out for lunch and then make our way to Picasso's cup to paint pottery. But once we got there, we found that there was a birthday party being hosted and so the studio was crawling with kids and the walls were lined with supervising parents shouting above the noise in order to have a conversation.  So since it was so busy, we decided to walk next door and go see a movie instead. During the movie, I started to feel fluttering in my belly. I knew right away what it was since this was the 2nd time I'd felt the baby moving around.  But to my surprise, when I put my hand on my stomach, I could feel the little kicks on the outside too! So I told Josh and he quickly put his hand on my stomach. When I saw the big smile spread across his face, I could tell that he could feel the baby moving around too.  The baby kicked for about a minute or two before we couldn't feel it anymore.  It was such a surprise since  that day I was only 16 weeks, 2 days pregnant. My doctor had told me just a couple days before at my check up that it all depended on where the baby had implanted as to when I would start to feel him/her a lot and how soon that Josh would get to feel kicks as well. She had told us she'd had women as early as 14 weeks start to feel the baby and some not until week 20. But with a large majority somewhere around 18 weeks.  So I was super surprised that the baby had kicked hard enough for me to feel it on the outside of my stomach.  But it was such a fun moment.  It was the perfect addition to our Valentine's Date. :-)

     The upside to how busy we've been, is that its made time fly by.  I'm now 17 weeks pregnant! Which means that we only have 3 more weeks until we find out if we'll be having a little Jackson  or a little Nora.  Both Josh and I think the baby's a girl. For some reason, I've thought that all along. I can't wait to buy huge flower head bands, pink, pink, and more pink.  But at the same time, if we end up having a boy, we'll both be super thrilled with that as well. Josh and his Dad have started the "Annual Grace men camping trips" and Josh has already started talking about being able to take our son along on the camping trips, if we end up having a boy.  So I guess either way, we're both going to be super thrilled. :-) All I know is that our ultrasound on March 12th can't come soon enough! :-)

                                  16 weeks pregnant, gained 5lbs so far and feeling huge!

                                                                                           16 weeks, 2 days pregnant and all set for our Valentine's Day Date   2/16/13- Josh felt the baby for the 1st time :-)