This is the verse that has become my anthem this week. Its crazy how fast life can change and how confusing things can become. In two days, I will reach the 4 month mark past my surgery date and 4 1/2 mark from when I got hurt. Its a rather discouraging thought at times, as I am still unable to walk long distances on my own and was recommended an additional month of physical therapy on top of the 10 weeks I've already had. Each day I continue to see progress and am able to achieve another mile stone of independence, but there's a huge payout for the independence and the price is a painful and swollen ankle at the end of the day. I find myself so easily discouraged as I fall short of what I had planned to accomplish for my day or even so far for this year.
And then I am made aware yet again of how wonderfully blessed I am to be married to the man Josh is. In the moments that I'm discouraged and wrapped up in a pity party for myself, Josh hugs me close and tells me that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right now and that I'm doing my best. He reminds me that God is sovereign and that there is purpose in all things. I find myself comforted and truly thankful for the leader Josh has become for our family. And excitement for things to come replaces the discouragement and I remind myself of how many good things I am surrounded with.
I realize that I have to stop thinking "if this wouldn't have happened, then things would be this way..." So far this year has not turned out the way we hoped, and has made us place certain dreams on hold for the time being. Such as starting a family. We'd hoped to be pregnant by this point, but I find myself very grateful that we weren't with everything my body is going through. So its a bittersweet thought as I place that dream on hold momentarily until I'm in a bit of a healthier state. And yet I still find comfort in that God's timing is not my timing, and that things happen when they are supposed too.
I've always been a planner and things have generally always turned out "according to the plan." I realize I was spoiled by that slightly. But I also realize that the events of this year so far are shaping and molding me into a better wife, friend, and Christ follower. I'm learning what is means to truly cast aside anxiety and to lean on God for understanding. Its not an easy lesson. But I'm finding that in doing so, comfort, joy, and contentment are filling me in a way I've not experienced before. And at the end of the day, I'm happy. I'm thankful. I'm learning to trust.
Grace Family
